In many ways, Gentle Reader, although I’ve known her only one year, Miss Veronica is one of my closest friends. She’s always hanging out at my place, helps me pick out outfits, and even comes to art shows and parties with me! She’s eccentric, and a barrel of laughs – we spend almost every night together. She’s even met some of the members of my family!
I should probably mention that Veronica is a zombie mannequin. Um.
When you have friends in the metal-recycling business, and they rescue or put aside items they think you might like, you don’t tell them no, of course – especially when they find such treasures as these. When I met Veronica, she wasn’t yet a zombie; she was a Misses Size 9 Petite display model, complete with arms, legs, and a display stand. She didn’t have hands – well, she did, but the fingers were mangled and my friend couldn’t find them anyway. A crisp twenty changed hands, and Veronica and I left, handless.
She had to be broken apart to fit into the roommate’s car, of course. Ronnie’s legs were prominent, upside down in the backseat, with her arms piled beside her. Her naked torso rode in my lap. As we drove down the highway, we had great fun together – I would turn Ronnie’s head to stare at other cars. No matter the reaction, there was invariably a double-take.
When we had to dash into Costco for a moment, I thought it only gentlemanly to lend her my coat, to cover her small nubile breasts – she would be alone in public, after all. She was very grateful. When we got her home and reassembled her, she nearly gave one of my roommates a concussion, with a well-timed karate chop.
When the Tacomapocalypse show was announced, I thought I’d try my hand at visual art*, and Veronica was more than game to help me. With a little research on anatomy, and advice from Caitlin Doughty† of the Order of the Good Death, I was able to take Ronnie’s torso, and slowly transform her into her current undead state.
Veronica’s torso is all well and good – but I know you’re dying to find out what happened to her limbs. This – this is what happened to her limbs:
When we left the farm, I left her arms. Her legs are still kicking around in the woods by our current house; they can only be seen from a certain angle in the smoking area. It’s enough to surprise‡ anyone who isn’t expecting to see them. Isn’t Ronnie a card?
Veronica, once finished, spent a whole month on display at Amocat Cafe with all the other pieces. Unfortunately, no one saw fit to adopt her, which is just as well because she now keeps me company while I write.
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*Visual Art, in this case, uses the old “Mixed Media” trick, which is to disguise the fact that blood, dirt, rice, and a variety of more traditional art supplies were used to create Veronica’s new look.
†Caitlin is Internet-Famous as the professional from the popular YouTube series, Ask A Mortician§.
‡Terrified
Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor 